The time had come. After weeks of post production. Cutting and tweaking and search for sounds. We had a finished movie, for The Golden Dinosaur Film Festival.
We headed down to Faversham in Kent, where the grand event was to be held. On the drive down from London Jake was still finishing and rendering the film – talk about cutting it fine.
But we made it (though slightly late), suited and booted and ready for a night of Premières.
We grabbed some champagne and sat down. There were five films to watch, and we were all very very excited.
The first two films were up, we watched we laughed, we drank. Then there was an interval for some refreshments.
Afterwards we were beginning to get quite drunk. We’d smashed all the champagne and had started on the red wine. We still had 3 films to watch, and during this period we thought it wise to mix vodka with our red wine to make a cocktail.
By the end of the films, as I’m sure you can imagine, we were suitably smashed. All the films can be viewed here. I strongly recommend watching them as they are all excellent.
Then began the awards:
Clowns won best sound which we were happy with, but by this point we were too drunk to care. For the evening’s shenanigans were about to begin.
The festival finished and we cleared up the Guild Hall. We pretended to be sober as we handed the keys to the property back to the owners. I don’t think they were convinced.
Then we headed to a local pub. The Phoenix.
At the Phoenix it was getting late, but there was a moment everyone wanted to have a smoke. Unfortunately due to the lateness the door the the smoking area outside was locked. We had to find another solution.
We thought hard and fast until Kim made a great discovery. There was a window in the ladies toilets that led outside. She did a quick recce of the toilets. There was one lady occupier. Kim asked her:
‘Would you mind if my friends come through here?’
‘Erm, no?’ The lady replied.
And thus it was that 4 men followed Kim into the toilets and climbed out the window. As we were sneaking out we had to be as quiet as possible. But this was surprisingly hard in our state. I accidentally kicked a breeze block off the wall. Then I put my foot in a bucket of water and wailed whilst kicked it across the yard. Not the smoothest of manoeuvres.
A lady from the bar popped her head over the fence to see what the commotion was. But luckily she was one of the good ones, and had a healthy chat before letting us back in through the proper door. We weren’t to tell anyone though. And we never will.
Back in the Phoenix we decided to go to Canterbury. But the last train was going to leave very soon.
We ran. Ran like I have never run before.
Kim dropped a bottle of wine:
Then fell over and cut her knee:
But we got to the station and caught the train. Freddie had sprinted ahead and physically held the automatic doors open for a good two minutes. Sometimes even God himself couldn’t stop that man.
And so somehow we made it to Canterbury, the land of dreams. This was where things were about to get really messy.
Matt took us to The Old Brewery Tavern (I think), where we bought some dirty ales and got dancing.
Jake didn’t appreciate his ale:
But the other Jake did:
On the dance floor John had a great idea for a challenge. To do a handstand in the middle of the dance floor, getting two complete strangers to hold your feet in the air.
Fortunately the losing man was Freddie, who is also the most resourceful man I know. And this was a drunken night out in Canterbury, where the world’s best drunks reside.
He completed the challenge in no time:
But the bouncers weren’t happy about it and gave him a ‘warning’. This was to be the first of many.
John started smashing the hops that were hanging from the ceiling as Christmas decorations. He got told off twice by the bouncers for this.
I snuck into the Men’s toilets, ripped the soap dispenser off the wall, then sprayed it all over the dance floor. Then I persuaded Kim to go into the Ladies’ toilets and rip the soap dispenser off the wall. Which I then proceeded to spray all over the dance floor. I emptied it, pulled off the lid and launched it into the crowd. Am I a bad person? Probably.
Freddie had long since disappeared, so I joined John in a corner of the dance floor. Two random stranger girls started having a massive fight, so I stepped in to break them up. Obviously the bouncer thought it was me involved so he gave us another warning. I count this at around the 7th thus far.
Two seconds later John ripped some Christmas decorations down, which resulted in a ‘final’ warning. As the bouncer walked away from us John turned to myself and Jake.
‘Paper, scissors, stone,’ he said. ‘Whoever loses has to hang on the rafters.’
‘Too right!’ We replied in unison. And I subsequently lost.
I was hanging from the rafters for all of 4 seconds before the bouncer stormed over.
‘RIGHT THAT’S IT!’ He exclaimed. And threw us all out. Just as they had Freddie 2 hours earlier, we were to find out the following morning.
Outside Matt tried his very hardest to have a fight with the bouncers. Then we all went home.
As we left one of the bouncers expressed a parting comment:
‘I’ve seen kids better behaved than you.’
I think everyone has.